II.

Introductions are a complicated part of who I am. Something that should be so simple usually generates a lot of confusion and dissociation. Honestly weird to even write. My name is Kendell. My mom always told me my name was to be pronounced ‘Ken-dell’, though over time, ‘Ken-duhl’ was what I became. And even reading that back, it seems like such a minor detail in the larger scheme of things, but to me, it felt and still feels grave. How could I be anyone if I didn’t even connect to my name? To who I am, foundationally, as a person? I went to eight different schools, and I would change my name as a joke and adopt different identities at each out because I felt so unattached to my name. It was a great thought experiment and honestly pretty fucking hilarious when I look back.

Like when I changed to ‘Elle’ it took me weeks to remember that I was Elle and would ignore pretty much everyone that talked to me until I realized one day I was, in fact, Elle. Nowadays, I’ve tried to let go of attachment to my name and strive to live authentic and free to who I am in that moment. It’s like the world of imagination doesn’t have to fade away with time or a name and that makes me smile.