II.

Introductions are a complicated part of who I am. Something that should be so simple usually generates waves of confusion and dissociation for me. Honestly weird to even write. My legal name is Kendell. My mom always told me my name was to be pronounced ‘Ken-del’, though over time, ‘Ken-duhl’ was what I morphed into. And even reading that back, it seems like such a minor detail in the vastness of things, but to me, it felt and still feels grave. How could I be anyone if I didn’t even connect to my name? To who I am, foundationally, as a person? Because I went to 8 different schools, I would change my name as a joke and adopt different identities because I felt so unattached to my name. It was a great thought experiment and honestly pretty fucking hilarious when I look back.

Like when I changed to ‘Elle’ it took me weeks to remember that I was Elle and would ignore pretty much everyone that talked to me until I realized one day I was, in fact, Elle. Nowadays, I’ve tried to surrender attachment to my name and strive to live authentic and free to who I am at that moment. It’s like the world of imagination doesn’t have to fade away with time and that makes me smile.